GEEE..... FOUR LONG MONTHS?

4 months only??? Omigod… 4 months only? I have been in my department for only 4 months? My goodness. I’m shocked. How on earth 4 months seems so long time for me? I didn’t feel such way when I was in Marketing for 6 months! For the past 4 months that I have been working damn mad hard, easily double or triple busier than most of the people in the office especially those that getting office salary by doing their own leisure. It’s unfair in some ways, but I certainly learnt a lot from what I was doing, am doing and will do.

A lot of things had happened in my life, be it work related, personal or overall picture – LIFE. I had done the biggest mistakes to mix up together – work and personal until I went through toughest, deepest, darkest period in my life. I have managed to look at things from another angle, not that I have totally heal from my pain in all possible hurtful incidents, but I managed to leave them aside and focus nothing but just WORK. But it is sad to say that, even work also didn’t give me much comfort, it’s always one source of headache to me. Yes, I went through depression, I cried, I complained, I suffered and I was stunned. All in all, life is not treating me well.

Just few minutes ago, the thought flashed through my mind.

“If without me helping him and assisting him all the way since months ago, he won’t be getting the reputation like what he’s having now! It’s not that I’m trying to be snobbish or ego, but after thinking through all the things I did for the department, I had contributed a lot and there is no doubt about it.”

Is this the way to make myself happier and glad? I have no idea how to be positive anymore. One part of me appreciate and recognize my achievement and contribution, but another evil part was telling me – what does that mean if you toil hard like this and work like cow but nobody sees it including yourself?

I truly understand now on what foster brother said 6 months ago “You are clever, but you failed to market yourself!” Yes, that’s my biggest failure and weakness.

“Don’t work too hard, work smart”…. This is not applicable on me. Even how bad I want to work smart, I couldn’t because everything I do need hard work. It’s tedious and time consuming, head cracking and nerves breaking. Beyond all, life killer to a mental patient like me.

Things moving in the shopping complex, opening of the ladies outlet, few renovation of old outlets, new kiosks, new outlets in first floor, more activities and events brought in, more potential tenants coming in, the chain personal store and bookstores. A lot more to write down in this blog, one huge part of the burden was the system, the system that I started from zero. It’s not easy to handle all these by two persons and one of them can’t stay in office long due to some commitments and very good in giving instructions and orders, then disappeared without a trace. In the end, the poor fellow have to stay up late every night in the office just to work on something pending, unfinished, new, old, incomplete and many more.