Chapter 2: Miracle VS Disaster

For the past one week back to my hometown, my hp is also taking its sweet break. It never rang on calls, or sms, except a call from a technical staff on some work issue, Karn’s good bye call and Nisha’s call. But still I bring it wherever I go hoping that I’ll have some surprise call from whoever “EARTHLINGS” who knows my existence and cares about me.

As I was watching Travel & Living channel, my hp rang. Unexpectedly, he called. Was it a miracle or disaster? I kept myself cool, and tried not to hate him for the old issue years ago, after all I’m a very good hypocrite, I can hate someone and yet talk very nicely with accompaniment of laughter in the conversation. For no reason, he called up when he was busy cleaning up the mess created by his drunk friend and for no reason again, that’s the main point he was stressing on.

“I have a drunk friend”
“What??”
“D.R.U.N.K friend”
“What had happened?”
“…………etc”
“Why on earth you call me just to tell me this?” and millions of questions went on as I’m a person who always full of “???” in my head.
“Don’t ask so much la”

With the hate feelings with me, amazingly I felt happy again, at least I tried to smile again. I couldn’t help but to share my problems with him as he used to be the one I turned to whenever I had any problems for the long 4 years. Our conversation brought back a lot of my bitter sweet memories with him, those memories that I had erased off my mind, those sadness that I have bottled up and those feelings that I tried to hide at the corner of my heart. Years went by, I realized it’s been a long while we never really have serious talk and share our true feelings. After the shocking outburst in June 2004, I was waken up from the fairy tale dream and all I could think of was just to hate him and not to forgive him for the rest of my life. I did curse him for everything he had done and I promised myself not to think of him anymore. I struggled for 8 long months to jump out from the misery and whenever he called once in a blue moon, I would give him cold shoulder and our conversation just lasted for a few minutes. I tried not to fall into the trap again, I tried to move on with my own life, own lonely life without him.

“I’m sorry”
“Huh? What?”
“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you”

My heart melted again last night when he suddenly slotted in apologies in our conversation. After so long, I finally realized that the anger in me had subsided. When I thought my feelings for him are dead and we are just friends when he called me few weeks ago, just because of the simple apologies from him last night, my heart was all out to have him back again. I thought I have lost him forever, but now he’s back again. The rational part of me is telling me he left me for those sickening reasons, and why should I turn back after all the cruelest things he did to me? If he did appreciate and love me, why must he left me for other girls then only to realize that I’m the one he misses and can’t get over? He said HE STILL LOVES ME and if he really does, why he said he had tried and things didn’t work out and say there was no chemistry between us in August 2003 when he wanted to break up with me!!???? He was cruel enough to take back all the promises back from me at that time and kept me waiting for another one year then to learn that his heart was with someone else already. Why must it be such a tragic drama in my relationship with him that dragged for 5 and half years?? It has been more than 2000 calendar days or 122,100 minutes or 7,326,000 seconds, but it seems million years in my life.

When I first met him long ago, he taught me to believe in miracles because they will come true one day. IS THIS THE BEGINNING OF MIRACLE OR DISASTER?