WHO AM I??????

The pain was too deep for me to bear. The impact was too big for me to handle. I have to swallow all in to myself, nobody but me. How long can I take it? No, I can’t, I can’t move on! I have been trying very hard.

As I thought my life has changed, nightmare came to hit me. The truth was too hurtful to accept. Just a split second, I lost everything I thought I will own, including my own soul. I’ve given my all to chase the dream, but I couldn’t believe there were nothing at all. I was devastated, frustrated and depressed. The reality hit rapidly deep in me, I was shocked and black out. Suddenly I felt numb and my mind was stuck.

It’s been quite some time, I forced myself hard to smile and talk just to let everyone think that I’m ok, fine and nothing ever happened. I made them believe that I’m all ok, but who understand how I feel inside me? It’s all torn apart, no matter how hard I tried to sew it, it’s just in vain. The bruises were all over me. I was very tired of faking myself, the numbness was gone and the real pain is too hurtful. The tears keep falling down no matter how hard I force it in. What have I done wrong to deserve such punishment? I can’t walk out from the prison. I’m now too weak to move my limbs.

I have been hiding myself in the room and lost all my senses. I am going crazy soon. I wish I can run away, far far away from here, away from the reality world. I wish I can vanish from the earth and go to Neverland. My dearest fairy godmother, please accept me, please shower me with all your love, and protect me from all harms. Oh godmother, please give me happiness…. please…. I don’t want to wake up anymore.

There was once, I was taught to believe in miracles but they were taken away. Now I was taught life is beautiful, but they are all lies from the devil’s mouth. I’ve even lost the trust in myself. I don’t know who I am anymore, I can’t recognize the face I see in the mirror anymore. WHO AM I??