Am I Making The Right Decision?

Very often people ask me if I like my job. Very often I ask myself if I like my job. But I never have any confirm answer from my heart. I have no idea if I like it, neither do I have idea if I have made the right decision to work here, the far far land from family and friends.

I’m mentally and physically tired. They always asked me “Why are you working so late? Got a lot of work to do? How come Shah does not look as busy as you?”

Such questions always hit me and slap on my face. Am I inefficient in other word? I always wonder why I always need to stay late in office just to finish my work. Is this what I want for my life? Is this what I deserve? Sooner or later I’ll make myself burnout. Oh well, been quite some time never heard of this word till just now when Karni tried to persuade me to stop my work and go back. I am just too “workaholic” and too “perfectionist”! That’s the price to pay – work longer hours.

I still remember how was my foster brother’s perception on people who stayed up late in office to finish work. He said “this is because they are not efficient enough!” So am I under this category? It’s hurting when you are working hard on something and what people think is just the negative part of it. I guess I deserve at least some compliments and appreciations from people.

Talking about life, leads me to think about my current situation. In fact I broke down and cried again last night, a sudden sadness rushed in. What’s the meaning of life if I have nothing to look forward to the next day. Money can’t buy me happiness, and all I do now is just working and sleeping and back to work again. Shah said “You don’t have to search for love and happiness, they will come to you”

To happiness : “Please come to me soon. I will be right here waiting”