Disappointment… Dissatisfaction…
It hurts. It really hurts on what had happened to my hard work, effort, anticipation and expectation. Just a split of seconds, joy turned to shocking sadness in me….
I had lost my direction in life long ago after joining this organization. Things seem screwed up and yet I’m still holding on and tell myself to be patient. I can’t cry, I can’t scream, I can’t yell and I can’t run away. Lately since I was transferred to this department, I was busy all day long with all sorts of work and tasks. I complained, I felt tired but inside me I enjoyed to be busy, in fact I like to be busy because at least I occupied my time and I know what I should do every day I come to work! Compare to my days in some other departments, HAH… totally opposite way. I would run up and down, left and round, in and out to settle things and tasks. I have trained myself to be the successful hypocrite to all the tenants over the phone, face to face. But when they are gone and out of the sight, I would curse them upside down! I would lose my temper and just start scolding and complaining. Colleagues around me were shocked on my reaction after I hang up the phone. It sounds like “Yes, yes. No problem. You are welcome.” in the softest ever voice I could speak and accompanied with some smile and laughing sound effect. Then I hang up the phone with “Stupid” or “Shit” and walked off. They immediately turned their heads and looking at me.
Well, anger management. If I’m allowed to propose any training courses, I would be the first one to suggest “Advanced Anger Management Skills” instead of what I attended “Advanced Negotiation Skills” last March! I seriously need to have such training on self development. But then again, I cool off myself pretty fast but the problem is with my mouth. It’s like never ending nagging and complaining to everyone that I know on what had happened to make me moody! Hahaha… pity all of them whose ears are functioning too damn well.
I was happy to be assigned to coordinate a festive project with a tenant 10 days ago. Tiny responsibility was added but I was hoping to make something out of it. I didn’t want any compliments from anyone, but I wanted to work things out and get it done perfectly. I would be happy if other people trust me on what I did and appreciate it. But due to communication barriers that ever exist in this organization, the achievement and satisfaction that I was seeking for was crashed into pieces. Everyone was making decision, everyone has different ideas and all of these never passed down properly to those who are executing their orders. In the end, the suffering party is the people who are doing work. Is that their fault? NO! It’s never their fault, they are doing whatever they have been told to do and the decision kept changing to suit those ordering master’s taste. What would the tenants and clients think about the organization and the management? It sucks. It really is. I feel bad on what had happened and things ended up, and I definitely feel bad about myself for being an idiotic cow.
I am a person who wants to get things done as soon as possible because I don’t like last minute issues. But due to the difficulties of coordinating with different levels of people, it was delayed till last minute. But the Ordering Master level didn’t know much on what I had been through and started to question about my capability with sarcastic remarks. Does the master know what the issues were? Does he give me the chance to explain? I felt like not being acknowledged on the hard work, instead the unavoidable circumstances. I am not asking for acknowledgement and compliments, I just want satisfaction and achievement to myself.
It was crushed, boomed, banged…..
I was given options to choose and slight chance to leave. Should I grab it or drop it? Grass is always greener on the other side. I want to touch the greener grass, I want to lie down, enjoy the relaxing and great moment on the field. But somehow, I was foolish enough to tie myself up with the rope in the bush. I am struggling to break the rope, bruises all over my body but if there is the only way, I’ll take it.
I had lost my direction in life long ago after joining this organization. Things seem screwed up and yet I’m still holding on and tell myself to be patient. I can’t cry, I can’t scream, I can’t yell and I can’t run away. Lately since I was transferred to this department, I was busy all day long with all sorts of work and tasks. I complained, I felt tired but inside me I enjoyed to be busy, in fact I like to be busy because at least I occupied my time and I know what I should do every day I come to work! Compare to my days in some other departments, HAH… totally opposite way. I would run up and down, left and round, in and out to settle things and tasks. I have trained myself to be the successful hypocrite to all the tenants over the phone, face to face. But when they are gone and out of the sight, I would curse them upside down! I would lose my temper and just start scolding and complaining. Colleagues around me were shocked on my reaction after I hang up the phone. It sounds like “Yes, yes. No problem. You are welcome.” in the softest ever voice I could speak and accompanied with some smile and laughing sound effect. Then I hang up the phone with “Stupid” or “Shit” and walked off. They immediately turned their heads and looking at me.
Well, anger management. If I’m allowed to propose any training courses, I would be the first one to suggest “Advanced Anger Management Skills” instead of what I attended “Advanced Negotiation Skills” last March! I seriously need to have such training on self development. But then again, I cool off myself pretty fast but the problem is with my mouth. It’s like never ending nagging and complaining to everyone that I know on what had happened to make me moody! Hahaha… pity all of them whose ears are functioning too damn well.
I was happy to be assigned to coordinate a festive project with a tenant 10 days ago. Tiny responsibility was added but I was hoping to make something out of it. I didn’t want any compliments from anyone, but I wanted to work things out and get it done perfectly. I would be happy if other people trust me on what I did and appreciate it. But due to communication barriers that ever exist in this organization, the achievement and satisfaction that I was seeking for was crashed into pieces. Everyone was making decision, everyone has different ideas and all of these never passed down properly to those who are executing their orders. In the end, the suffering party is the people who are doing work. Is that their fault? NO! It’s never their fault, they are doing whatever they have been told to do and the decision kept changing to suit those ordering master’s taste. What would the tenants and clients think about the organization and the management? It sucks. It really is. I feel bad on what had happened and things ended up, and I definitely feel bad about myself for being an idiotic cow.
I am a person who wants to get things done as soon as possible because I don’t like last minute issues. But due to the difficulties of coordinating with different levels of people, it was delayed till last minute. But the Ordering Master level didn’t know much on what I had been through and started to question about my capability with sarcastic remarks. Does the master know what the issues were? Does he give me the chance to explain? I felt like not being acknowledged on the hard work, instead the unavoidable circumstances. I am not asking for acknowledgement and compliments, I just want satisfaction and achievement to myself.
It was crushed, boomed, banged…..
I was given options to choose and slight chance to leave. Should I grab it or drop it? Grass is always greener on the other side. I want to touch the greener grass, I want to lie down, enjoy the relaxing and great moment on the field. But somehow, I was foolish enough to tie myself up with the rope in the bush. I am struggling to break the rope, bruises all over my body but if there is the only way, I’ll take it.
posted by sesame seed @ 7:26 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home